Kirby and the Lost Ham
by Kirby-Puff
Summary: Kirby loses his ham and his entire day is ruined (sorry for the appearence. I made it in Word Perfect and had to transfer it to Microsoft Word and it got a lil screwed. Nothing Major.)


It was an average day down in dreamland. Kirby was sitting at his table and eating his breakfast ham. He always had a ham for breakfast lunch and dinner. While he was eating he went into a bit of a day dream about how he recently defeated Kind De De De's latest villain Kracko but was suddenly brought back to reality by a knock on the door. He put down his ham and went to answer the door but when he opened it, he saw no one. He stepped outside and looked around and saw nothing.  
"That better not be you god damn kids pissin' around again, I'll come out there and whoop your asses."  
Kirby turned around to go back inside and noticed a note on his door step. He picked it up and read it. "Dear Kirby, hope you enjoy your breakfast and have a good day." Awww, this must be from Tiff, Kirby thought to himself. He went back inside to finish his breakfast and was suddenly infuriated. He immediately left to go and pay a visit to DDD in his castle.  
"DDD, I AM GANNA KILL YOU!" said kirby bursting into the castle. He was unbelievably angry.  
"Na what's all the ruckus bout in here? Kirby, what do you think your doin' up here in my castle threatinin me?"  
"You know damn well DDD, YOU STOLE MY GOD DAMN HAM! AND NOW YOUR GOING TO PAY!"  
"What are you talkin' 'bout Kirby, I haven't even been awake until you came bargin' in here carryin' on bout some ham."  
"...really? So...so you didn't steal my ham? If you didn't steal it, do you have any idea who would have?" Asked Kirby puzzled.  
"No I don't and I couldn't care less, I don't give a damn bout no stupid ham of yours, now get your ass off my property."  
Kirby was even more angry now. DDD Made a huge mistake calling Kirby's hams stupid. He was really in for it now. Kirby jumped at him with a flying kick knocking DDD to the floor.  
"Don't worry DDD, I'm not going to kill you for that, I'm not that nice."  
With that, kirby grabbed a knife out of DDD's cabinet and slowly began skinning him alive. He was unable to defend himself because not only did Kirby's kick knock him down, it paralyzed him from the neck down. All he could do was scream.  
When Kirby finished the skinning, DDD was barely holding onto life. Kirby didn't want to finish him off, not yet, so he went into DDD's kitchen and grabbed a box of salt. He began pouring it all over the King.  
"All you did was call my hams stupid, just think about what I'll do when I find out who stole mine"  
Kirby left the castle leaving DDD in a pool of his own blood. He started walking down the path to town wondering about who could have possibly stolen his ham. He kept walking and wondering when finally it hit him. Metaknight. He has always had the hots for Tiff and was always trying to steal her away from Kirby. Now he must be trying to play mind games, to drive me insane so Tiff won't like me anymore, Kirby thought to himself.  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''  
"Hey Tiff, how's it coming? Is it almost done?" Yelled Tuff to his sister Tiff.  
"Yeah, its nearly done, all I gotta do is write up the card. Then we will go down to Kirby's and drop it off. I hope he didn't get too mad when he noticed his ham was gone, I'm sure he'll understand when we tell him about it, I mean after all, all we did was take it so we could make him a really juicy delicious one so he would have an even better day. By the way Tuff, what did you do with his?"  
"Oh, I dropped it off at Metaknights, I thought he could use a little extra food, DDD hardly pays him anything."  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''  
"AH HA! I KNEW YOU STOLE MY HAM! Get your ass over hear, I am ganna rip off your head and shit down your neck."  
"I have a couple of things to tell you Kirby. One, I didn't steal your ham, Tuff dropped it off here. Two, I don't know where he got it and if I knew it was your I would have brought it back to you and three, I don't have a neck to sh down, I am just a ball with hands and feet like you."  
"Oh...so you mean your not trying to drive me insane so you can steal Tiff away from me?"  
"What? That ugly retard? Yeah, right, I was going to steal that hideous little five year old who just whines and whines all day long, you got a good sense of humor there Kirby. Ha ha!"  
"What did you say about my woman, did you just insult the love of my life?" Kirby said while slowly walking towards Metaknight picking up one of his swords on the way.  
"No, Kirby, please, I meant no offense of any kind to you or that little retar...I mean little angel."  
"Oh, so you do have the hots for her after all. You have been trying to steal my little retar...I mean angel all along haven't you? You just want her because I have her." Kirby said getting closer and closer to Metaknight.  
"No, I swear I don't. I don't even find her at all attractive, I swear, I would never try to steal her from you, never."  
"Oh, so now she's ugly and not good enough for you? You insult my girl in front of my face and then lie about it?"  
Metaknight knew he was screwed. There was no way getting out of this so he tried to make an escape by jumping over Kirby's head. This was a failed attempt however because Kirby had very fast reflexes and was able to slice Metaknight right down the middle. He then left Metaknight to lay dead on the floor and was off to Tuff and Tiff's house.  
He busted the door down and walked in. He looked into the kitchen and found Tuff and Tiff. Tuff went to the door to say hi to Kirby.  
"Hey Kirby, what's u-" He was unable to finish his sentence due to the fact of an allergic reaction. It turns out he was allergic to blades in his stomach.  
"OH MY GOD! KIRBY! WHAT DID YOU DO!" screamed Tiff at the horror of her brothers death.  
"I am sorry you had to see that Tiff, but this little bastard stole my ham, so he had to die, it was the only way."  
"Kirby, he stole your ham because we wanted to give you a better breakfast. We made a nice juicy ham right here, it was made by us with some special flavour from Chef Kowasaki. We made it because we care about you."  
"Oh no, I...where is the ham you made me?"  
"It's in the kitchen, it is done and set out on the table. I hope you enjoy it, we spent a long time making it special for you."  
Kirby went into the kitchen to see the ham out on the table. It looked so delicious. He devoured the entir thing in one bite and licked his lips.  
"Wow Tiff, that was really good. But there is one thing you never do to Kirby, you never, NEVER fuck with my hams." With those words said, Kirby picked up the still hot pan that the ham was baked in and beat Tiff senselessly over the head with it killing her. 


End file.
